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Hi everyone, my name is Kaavi, I’m a mom in NYC with a 12-year-old son. I need honest opinions because I’m going back and forth on this and it’s exhausting.
Here’s the thing — he already has a phone. Well, kind of. It’s an old one we keep at home, and he gets 1-2 hours a day on it, mostly for games. But now he wants his OWN smartphone, his own number, to carry everywhere.
And I’ll be honest about WHY he wants it. It’s not for safety, it’s not to call me after school. It’s PUBG. That’s it. He wants to play PUBG with his friends whenever he wants, not just for an hour on the living room couch.
I already see how these games grab him. The 1-2 hour limit is a fight almost every single day. He negotiates, he sulks, he says “just five more minutes” ten times. So my gut says — why would I hand him an unlimited device when he already struggles with limits?
I talked to my husband and he agrees with me. We both feel 15 is a better age. But now I’m second-guessing because:
All his friends apparently have phones
He says he’s the “only one” without (is that even true?)
I don’t want him to feel left out or like the weird kid
But I also don’t want to cave just because everyone else is doing it
So my real questions for parents who’ve been here:
Is 12 actually too young, or am I being old-fashioned?
Did anyone here hold out till 15? How did it go? Did your kid resent you?
For those who gave in earlier — did you regret it?
How do you handle the “everyone else has one” argument without sounding like a dictator?
I’m not looking for perfect answers. Just want to hear from real parents who’ve lived this. Did you regret waiting? Did you regret giving in? What would you do differently?
Please be kind, I’m genuinely just trying to do right by my kid.
Hi Kaavi,
I’m gonna be straight with you, because I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing, and it might actually make this easier for you.
The phone is not really the issue.
Think about it. If you take away the phone, what happens? He goes to the TV. Or the laptop. Or the tablet. Right? The screen always finds a way.
So maybe the bigger question isn’t “should he get a smartphone?” It’s what else he has going on outside the screen.
Your son is 12. This is a really important age to help him find things he actually enjoys doing away from screens. A sport, cycling, swimming, skating, martial arts, even just going outside with friends. Whatever he likes.
And I’d let HIM choose. Don’t force him into something just because you liked it as a kid. Ask him what sounds fun.
I’d also explain that you’re not saying no to the phone to punish him. You’re trying to help him build some balance first.
You don’t necessarily have to make it “phone or no phone” forever. Maybe give him some goals to work toward and revisit the conversation later.
You’re not being too strict just because you don’t want to give him a smartphone at 12. And honestly, I think it’s better to have a conversation with him about what he *can* do rather than just saying no.
Good luck. 💪
Honestly, I’d lean toward giving him the phone — but on your rules, not his.
Get him something basic, and before he even holds it, set it up yourself. Parental controls on, time limits locked in, PUBG only after homework or on weekends, and definitely no phone in the bedroom at night. Make the rules clear from day one, not after a fight.
Here’s the thing — the phone isn’t what worries you. It’s the unlimited, no-boundaries part. So don’t hand him freedom, hand him a phone with a leash. He still feels like a normal kid, and you still sleep at night.
And be upfront with him: “You get the phone, but break the rules and it comes right back.” Then actually mean it. Kids test boundaries, but they respect them when you hold the line.
You’re not being mean, mama. You’re being smart. And honestly, that kid is lucky you’re even thinking this hard about it.
You got this.
I’m in the exact same boat. My 12-year-old asks for a phone all the time, and I keep saying no. I told him, “Work hard on your marks this year and next year, and when you turn 15 we’ll talk about a smartphone.” A lot of people don’t get why I’m doing it this way, but I think a kid his age doesn’t really need one yet. He’s also pretty into games already, so a phone would only make that harder to manage. He’s not happy about it, but I’d rather he be a little upset now than struggle with it later. 💛
Honestly, I don’t think 12 is automatically too young. I gave my 11-year-old a smartphone and, so far, he’s doing pretty well with it. We have some limits, but I don’t think keeping them away from technology until 15 is always necessary.
I’ve read a lot of the answers here saying they waited until 14–15, and honestly, that’s also a pretty good thing. Kids are growing up with technology, so I think it’s more about teaching them how to use it responsibly than just the age.
If the main reason he wants it is PUBG, though, I’d probably be a little careful with that part 😅
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